We all know there’s a formidable etiquette at the dinner table just as much as the bedroom.You don’t shit where you eat, right? So,why shit where you sleep? When in the bedroom with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, lover, cheater or cheatee, spoken and unspoken rules still apply:
1: If you start something, you must finish it, no matter who got off first or how lazy you feel after the fact. Relationship equals balance in every aspect. Finish the job!!! You too, ladies lol!
2: If you don’t like it, ladies in particular, tell him exactly how you want it done instead of laying there dissatisfied and complaining in your head. If you tell him and he still doesn’t get it, boot him out! Ha!!
2b: Guys, if your lady is acting shy or stiff, it means there’s something she’s not telling you or you aren’t making her feel comfortable. Make it happen!
3: NO BITING! More like Chomping wtf!? If I feel any unexpected teeth anywhere on my body (My reflexes may either kick or punch you, depending) I get irritated and it’s not fun anymore, sheeesh!! Just like guys don’t like teeth, girls don’t either! Unless of course you know how to bite seductively. Ha!!
4: No Creeping Fingers unless she or he says so! I know some of ya’ll freaky like that hahaha!!
5: Spanking is a form of affection lmfao!!! 😉
6: No surprises before knocking down the walls of Jericho. eg. “I have herpes, btw.. hope you don’t mind :D” WTF?!
7: Ladies keep it tight. Guys no tiny meat loafs and no giant hogs either. Some of us want to have kids later on. (Yes, size does matter.)
There are a lot more do’s and don’ts, but I guess it depends on each personality and their personal and limits, and we all know some people have NONE! Let me give you an example, I was at a New Years’ party a few years ago with a girlfriend of mine, music was great, food was amazing, drinks in abundance and the venue was spectacular! There we were making hopeful dreams of the future, when exactly what I wanted walked through the door…. Well–blow–me–down!!! FU-INE, handsome, charming, great body and dressed to the 9’s, walked in and I swear I cold have sworn his teeth twinkled at me, and then he looked directly into my eyes, saying “hi.” At this point I was ready to change my underwear. Yep, he was like the ‘Black Ken’.
As 12 midnight drew nearer, we were introduced to one another and had a nice flow of banter, and I could see my friend in the corner of my eye elbowing our friends to death, haha! More drinks came, then it was the countdown. 5,4,3,2,1…. Happy New Year!!! I went in for the handshake, of course, but he went in for the kiss, I think I head-butted him instead, but that’s besides the point, I was already in gear from the moment he walked into the room and I could smell it all over his body that it was me he wanted…. Went to the bedroom and started touching and kissing, you know, getting all juicy. Then, he said “stop…..” What could he possibly mean by stop??
Me: “Stop what, why?” he said he wanted my opinion on something… WTF?
Me: “Right now?! Ok fine what what?”
G: “I want you to feel me”
Me: -_- “okaaaay…..”
As I began caressing his chest and his abdomen and lower torso i felt a slight flick on the back of my hand… O_O I passed my hand over it again to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind….. O_o he asked ” So what do you think?”………………. In my mind I started laughing at myself, being disgusted and laughing at the Lord’s humor and being disgusted again! This fu-ine everything I wanted in a man (or so I thought) was not so much of a man.
I asked “why the fuck do you have a navel ring?”
I couldn’t fathom any answer he was about to give me, but I wanted to hear what he would say.
His response was ” I always thought they looked sexy on chicks, so I wanted to know what it one would look like on me”. ……….. O_o I laughed straight in his face!! Like HARD!! One of those laughs that came from deep down in the soul. All that I could say was,”You must be crazy!”That was too much. The point is, ‘Don’t have one night stands, because the joke will be on you! Na! just no surprises, for real though. It aint right!!! It aint right!!!
Ask for what you want. Please realize that most of us are stuck because we’re just accepting what comes along. The S.W.
Like this article? Follow us on @fauxsociety for the best news and updates.
